Why letting a gay man go down on me reaffirmed my tantric nature…
How are you enjoying the party? I asked the classically gorgeous gay man as I entered the main bar of my first Queer Sauna, wearing my knee high leather boots, pink knickers and metal hearts bra.
Great! I just went down on a woman and she said it was the best head of her life! The gorgeous man replied.
Wow! I congratulated, genuinely chuffed for him. Then proceeded to enquire why he was going down on a woman?
He said that while he doesn’t get an erection from being with women, he deeply loves their sensuality and loves giving them pleasure.
To this I applauded loudly, what a hero, handing out A+ oral sex for the pure love of it.
And that's when he asked me, can I give you some?
Momentarily stunned, I scanned my mind and body for my answer.
I didn’t come to this party to hook up, I came here to run a workshop.
And if I was going to hook up I had hoped it would be to kiss a female bodied being, so I could lean into that edge a little more…
But now this beautiful gay man and self proclaimed woman worshipper was offering me head.
Okay, I said, let’s see how I feel.
He took my hand and walked me through the maze of sex rooms and dungeons until we came to a room with a big black leather swing.
Closing the door he invited me to sit on the swing and kissed me.
I appreciated the act of connection, and while he was a good kisser, there was this feeling of meaninglessness in the kiss.
Though I didn’t feel uncomfortable, I felt no connection between us, and I wondered how long I would stay in this unusual situation.
He asked if he could give me pleasure now, and I said he could but my underwear were to remain on and that I only desired soft stroking and kisses of my thighs and pubic mons.
He was so giving, and did exactly as I asked.
Looking down at him from my swing, I knew in my mind how attractive he was, and how this might seem like a dream to some people…receiving catch free pleasure…
But for me, nothing in my body turned on.
There was this feeling of emptiness in every touch, kiss and stroke.
Sensing my less than enthusiastic response he asked if I was okay, and I said I was really fine, I just realised this isn't for me.
We hugged and I thanked him for being so generous and giving.
Leaving the room we walked by a photobooth and got a photo together, and said goodbye lovingly.
As I headed home that night I reflected on my experience.
There was once a time that receiving pleasure from someone for the sake of pleasure was my ultimate aim most weeks.
And yet, now at 31 years old, when a beautiful gay man offered me no strings attached service, I didn't want it.
I knew in my heart why.
Because exactly that, there was no heart in this connection.
I have spent the last six years studying sacred sexuality, Tantra and Taoism.
In these teachings I have learnt that in sex and pleasure, we include our heart, and it is our hearts inclusion that creates the ultimate peak experiences of pleasure.
I have connected my heart and my pussy to such a degree that they await the others' involvement to be aroused.
If my heart is open, my pussy is open.
If my heart is closed, my pussy is closed.
Part of me started wondering if this was a tragedy?
That night I watched friends and strangers liberated in their casual, and free sexual explorations. And I felt such joy for them!
How wonderful to be able to be in a safe, accepting, liberal event where your desires can be so quickly met.
Perhaps if I’d found parties like this in my 20’s I wouldn’t have spent hours and hours on Tinder looking for intimacy. I wouldn't have stayed at Revs nightclub until the bitter end of the morning hoping to take someone home.
I could have just come to a place like this and been met in my desires.
But now, my desires have changed. I don’t want casual sex or pleasure. I want pleasure that has heart in it. I want tantric pleasure.
What are your current sexual desires?
Would you let the beautiful gay man go down on you?
Or would you need a heart connection too?
Or something else entirely, I’d love to hear!
Remember, all sexuality is beautiful, there is no right or wrong - I hope by sharing my story you can see that pleasure is an ever evolving experience.
