Diana
Welcome to your portal my darling! Firstly, if you haven’t already, please make sure you complete the following form so I can know even more about you babe!
https://www.chloeadriana.com/client-intake-form
Then do this meditation as many times as you can before we begin coaching <3
Week 1
Goals / Desires
Self love towards my body, positive sexual relationship w my body
How to masturbate properly - To learn how to masturbate without toys
Bring in somebody who is at same energy level as me, attract someone with same, who sees me as a goddess
Believe I am a goddess 100%
Have explosive, meaningful sexlife with self and others
Meet others that love my full body and I love my full body
Being my own role model
I wanna live life with love
Believe my own thoughts, be in charge of my own life
To understand orgasm and my body better
To love myself inside and out
Challenges / clearings / Integrations
Disconnected, not wanting to engage at sex at all
Feeling trauma from my recent experience
Addicted to masturbation - not doing it for the right reasons
Single, not happy with people i've been calling in
Navigating my sexual orientation
Perfectionism
Had eating disorders since 7 - bulimia, binge eating, anorexia
Social media and my surroundings - the impact it has on me (big one)
Comparison - especially other female bodies
Emotional trauma around sex and my ex partner - he used sex as a control
Trauma held in neck and shoulder, solar plexus band - massive relationship trauma
Mums negative impact as sexual rolemodel
Feeling alone, isolated, that i didn't belong - in childhood and at time continuing
I want to release the hate and shame I feel towards my bod
To let go of using sex toys and learn the art of pleasure myself and become sexual with my whole body
Support
Inner child / teenager
Inner parents
Body love
De-aromouring
Healing from trauma of ex-partner, and others
Worthiness and deservingness
Embodying the queen / goddess within
Celebrations: Felt a different level of pleasure from masturbation with toys, guy lost his power over me, drawing a vulva picture!
Current situation
The fear of ending up alone
Am I ever going to get there with masturbation - ‘everyone else gets there’, not loving my bodies
Sex toys have confused orgasm for me, different levels of orgasm - perfectionsim around orgasm
6 months time
I’ll be a confident, sexual being that oozes out with it, who does as she pleases, owns her sexuality and masturbation. Attracts good people into her life, and is thriving in her sexuality.
See: myself in cool assed, walking down the street, awesome outfit, walking along, not caring what everyones thinking, waving to everyone, everyones admiring me, i feel incredible, theres so much life in me, im going something
Feel: sense of warmth and freedom, weight lifted off, feel light, got phone in hand, warm air, at ease and peaceful
Hear: birds chirping, people laughing, noise but quiet, still but lots going on, people and me enjoying their day
Smell: freshly mowed grass, favourite perfume, bees,
Taste: saliva
Body Mind
Thigh region tight and sore, small cloud of anxiety in chest, i'm scared - trapped, contraction, -I want the cloud to stay there
-I don;t know what its like without it/ if i deserve
Cloud - part that wants cloud to leave - part that doesnt want it to go
Cloud = pointed 3D star, points hurt me, dark purple (7 years old)
Resistance = green - yucky green blacky (7 / 14 years old)
Support = bright orange (25 years old)
Acceptance?
Seems more complicated and hard, lack of energy - I don’t want the weight of them - this would be the first time i'm accountability and taking action
Chloe accepts them for Diana
Home Play
Journal
Art therapy
Week 2
Celebrating using my voice - being loud,
Current challenge
New guy working at work, told him to stop mansplaining - got into trouble for that
Photos in the group chat to try to shame
Another guy at a party enjoys chats with me then turns around and abuses me
Threw water at me - I was the crazy woman
Waiting to hear / get in trouble
Feel regret for speaking up to myself, is it worth it
Desire: I desire to let go of the fear, feeling like im a child again - authority figure thats going to come down on me - Trigger of mother teling me off constantly
Unsettling feeling
Adult version stands ground, fuck the job, own my voice and what ive said, how to really own my power rather than letting the voice in my head telling me to be quite.
Fear in chest - line going from the bottom to the top - line, arms stomach, wateriness, vomitlike, tense, something is holding me really tightly
Too much, fire,
Grief comes through - feel a release, no line in chest, compressed from holding it in,
Anxiety in chest to become this version of me. Wanting it to be right now, knowing its a journey. A sense of freedom.
Part that believes is tucked away underneath it all, a candy bar the juciness inside, the packaging of what I don;t want will get thrown away.
Level of sweetness within myself, and power
Lives on right side of heart - threads around the body.
Disgust and body shame comes up as distraction as something you can control
“The deeper you go, the higher you rise”
Marble colour with pink and green - the candy bar of trust
Grief and pain is in stomach and womb deep purple
Let the colours dance togethr - feels nice and something im not used too
Home play
Candy bar dancing in purple mist drawing
Sitting with grief - 10 minutes per day
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3tNz0z0DQ1K9qPoBTapp4Q?si=3d9a5924b7204e78
Week 3
Celebrating: putting myself out there with other guy even though he wasn’t interested enabled me to move forward, first time ever experiencing loving my stomach, feeling sense of freedom in my body and sexuality
RBDSMA - this weekend going to be meeting up with new sexual person
-Relationship
-Boundaries
-Desires
-STD’s
-Meaning
-Aftercare
Had a queer dream
Anxious attachment style usually give my inner child away to be loved
Home Play
Practising the RBDSMA conversation with a friend and with him
Sex magic practice
Week 4
Celebrations: had my first threesome, celebrating loving myself, getting a tattoo, got naked at the pussy palace
Feeling addicted to the app (feeld), the validation, putting others ahead of myself once again,
Using it as a form of escapism - not wanting to feel my feelings and take care of myself
I’m excited by the people I’m meeting but everything is about my looks - not catering to my desires to meet someone
Don’t feel like a normal woman - if they see me sexually. I was conditioned to not know how to talk to the opposite sex - until I grew breasts.
(healing of teenage self and relationship to the masculine to be developed)
Wanting to figure out what its about:
Intention for using dating app:
To explore my sexuality but also form romantic connections with others and also myself in the process
-Usage guidelines: talk every few days not daily! They don’t get all my time - only a few hours a day
-Being in a high vibration when using the app
-Self pleasure to meet my own sexual needs
-I have to be 100% attracted to them
-Must meet up within 1-2 weeks
-If they’re too dominant not going there at all - RED FLAG
-listening to my intuition
-Self Care after being ghosted
-Make them work for the pictures I send, then they deserve that treat, feeling that they are worthy of seeing what I’ve got
-make sure im not being catfished - video call / snapchat
-only match with a certain number of people a day (3)
-no serotonin hit in the morning! No first thing in the morning!
Guidelines make me feel empowered, like I have guidelines, know where I'm going, what I want,
Home Play
Implement the guidelines!
Write them on nice paper and hang them up
Journaling on how it feels compared to last week
Week 5
Reflections of the last weeks
Feeling envy of the people my lover is sleeping with
Been using sex and pleassure as a way of escape
Ive figured out the key to what men want -
Needing men to tell me Im okay, needing people outside of me
Little girl is getting further into her hole
Extroverted needs are not being met in friendships, want connection so bad
What I truly want:
“I want someone to treat me like a human, not a piece of meat
I want deeper connections with males - whilst being able to have incredible sex”
Body Mind
Right ovary and in stomach there’s a big crescent moon darkness - makes heart
Bruised and squeezed and pulsating
At the top step back but feel it is following me
Body feels on fire, feels too painful
Stay with it, breath, stoke throat, stand up and shake - allow it to be here and to let it move
Black smoke of unloved child comes out
I know it is true she is loved
She wants love from outside herself
Wise woman - full of love - knows that the love must come from myself
Have compassion for myself. I'm the one who needs to look after little me
Home play
-focus on the progress with dating apps not whipping yourself
-compassion -lipstick on mirror reminder to be compassionate
Week 6
Sad about what happened and joyous about whats to come
Felt: young, dumb and at fault
Havent been safe in my sexual practices. Dont like dominating men. Dont like rough play
Feel off and yuck in my pussy and mouth
Im incredible as a person and i need to be cherished
Need yin, constantly in yang
It wasnt that bad. Using bandaids
Safety: calm and peace. Skin not tingling, slower heart rate, face relaxed, cheeks relaxed, shoulders relaxed, feeling free, content, grounded
Safe place: up in the clouds, i can enjoy the warmth and the softness, i can look down and marvel at the world, im wearing a colourful bright dress, i feel calm and content, its silent in a calming soothing way
Feel: safety with just me, lonely but comforted in the clouds
Older version of me is facilitating this space: the older crone , tells me im not alone
Cloud swing set for inner child when she is ready
The heart needs to slowly drip the wound out.
Home play
Rest hand on heart to support wound, tune into energy of wise self holding hand on wound to support you
Yin embodiment allow wound to heal. Be with the feelings you are feeling - remembering you can survive this experience. Do solo with music or use meditation below
music -https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4FgFmWxVVOyl5WdMw1Yjnu?si=0880c1fed9ce41b9
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/33j0mGotUjfFtaTMDWXAaF?si=0673c0152ec845ce
Week 7
Haircut, room rearrangement, smudge and crystals, started masturbating again, feeling dissociated with the breasts
Celebrations: this haircut and how it feels, im not letting this person take away my desires, my new guidelines and ways to approach sex with sacredness, reaching a different form of orgasm with my fingers
Inner father
Earth gather was more like a statue, hehas schizophrenia, he instilled fear into us because of his paranoia, he was in cults and jahovaswitniss, didnt celebrate birthdays and events, he mostly said no
Im understanding and loving towards him now as an adult
My grandma always hated him
Moments of abuse with mother, grandma hates him because of this
Uncle was father figure
Dreams about uncle that are sexual from late teen till now
Earth father: uneasy, anxious, you were never my daddy, hearing what daddys were like that wasn't you. You werent typical - i can't find the words of what i'm missing. I feel angry. You just disciplined me, how was i meant to know i was loved? You were frantic and just said no. you didn't trust me, didn't let me learn how to do things on my own. You never let me figure things out on my own. Its not fair, you were in my life but you are a stranger. I'm jealous of all the little girls who had their daddys. You were just quiet and reading your fucking bible - in your bedroom.
It's not fair, not fair how you treated mum and all of us, how you were the head of the family but didn't know anything about us. I haven't forgiven you and I don't know if I ever will
Now I have to figure out how to mend this dad-shaped hole. I'm over it. It makes me angry.
Earth father love and gratitudes:feel anxious still, it's changed more high and throbbing.
Even though I hate that religion took you away from us, i'm grateful that it saved you, kept you alive on that night that things went hard.
Grateful for the fact that you're there if I need you now, you now say I love you back. That’s really nice to hear.
You really make an effort with me.
You call me, you find ways to connect with me. You really trust me, you listen to me, I appreciate that even though you don’t understand what i'm saying you still see me and try.
You've always tried to protect me, I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for the times you've tried to give me money,I can tell it's genuine and you're not trying to control me. I'm glad you're my dad.
Inner father: light shining thats really bright, its the colour of a twinkling star. I feel nervous, speck goes 2-3 metres away
Home play: slowly introducing healthy father
Look for father role models in: tv / online / in nature / super markets etc
Journal on the clearing and love of earth fatehr: how was this process for you? What did it move? What have you been able to let go of? What still needs time?
Next week - get more familiar with inner father/ clear with uncle.
Week 8
Celebrations: masturbating with just my fingers, showed up last night - im fucking doing facilitation queen, my epic dance
Witnessing fathers qualities towards daughter
-trust
-compassion
-kindness
-love
-warmth
-even though there's trauma there is so much closeness
-respectful to women
-clearly loving not hidden
-admiration
-playing
-no paranoia, no worrying
Set boundary to inner process with uncles
Judgement and sense of failure
Going into the stillness
Burning in my head
Fire in chest is disappointing
Making sound to release burning in head. Vortex of smoke going into the earth
Homeplay
Sitting with the intensity of emotions - allow the intense emotions to wash through you like waves, this is something you have proven to yourself that you can do!
When you get the impulse / feeling of an intense emotion - immediately get into your body, breathe, move, tone
vocal toning
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFaeyGHG5R4
meditation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOgClphybxU
Week 9 : 9/3/23
Tracking menstrual cycle - start from day 1 add Period Queen to list of readings as high priority 🙂
Body love
Sharing how difficult it is to love your belly
Going into a deep body love process, sharing how you feel about your stomach, letting the stomach share how it feels about you.
Connecting stomach to all parts of you - body, soul, spirit, heart, mind
Home play
Continue speaking to the stomach and letting ti speak to you - draw how the relationship is and how you want it to be
Heart breath meditation to expand love into the whole body (espically stomach)
Unwell week 10
Week 11
I felt part of the culture, this country gets me, Australia sees me as too much,
Hooked up with under 20 year old
Felt some judgements on my home - walk of shame
Made me want to bring loudness and pride
Fear around empowering my sexuality , hating or loving it
I am the epitome of sex - never get sick of sex - want to be a sex worker
Feeling deep love for man from Feeld , illuminating that men can be loving and passionate
I'm going to move to Japan next year - intention to build a wild woman business, Queen Dee’s Hive,
Upcoming plans - running workshop, three different ones, embodiment and connection, inner child healing, undoing the damage of adult expectations
Home Play
Watch last Facilitation Queen episode
Keep riding the high of your current vibrations <3
Week 12
Feeling flat and sad at the moment,
Wanting to connect with people but want it to be reciprocal -
Having issues with family - don’t feel respected by them, dont feel i can be myself
Feeling let down by other people, tired of chasing people / but not men
I want consistent sisterhood
-I need more single wild women
-work together to buld a community
-a spontaneous sister to check in with
Little 5 year old me struggled to make friends - was alone, was a loner, didnt know how to talk to boys, got jealous of friends if they made other friends
Sex used to mask deep desire for friendship and conection
I want to be there for her, im learning how to be there for you,
Shes at school hiding behind bushes, shes trapped, shes scared,
Loving light surrounding her, bubble of light protecting her.
Home play:
Surround little girl in loving light,
Journal on vulnerability around friendships - what makes friendships vulnerable for me and my little girl?
What makes it worth leaning into that vulnerability? List the things friendship will bring to your life
Make a list of people who you want to spend more time around
Start investigating activities that will bring these friends to you e.g. authentic relating games
Reading recomendaton : Atlas of the heart - Berne Brown
Week 13
Realisation that i can receive connection, got someone who aligns with me, ive found another one of my people
-feeling that values with old friends are out of alignment re
Been culling people from feeld etc, making effort with friends
Belief that its easier to sext than to form new connections
-validation, dopamine hit recieved from fast track male gaze
-get weird about people calling me baby and cuddling afterwards - creates a fear response and become repellant of them.
I would like to make sex more saacred and share it with less people
-good kisser, good at head and good with sex I become more attached - if they have a good personality
Resistance to putting in effort with new friendships
Feel constriction and weight upon me, body is suffocating
-i dont want to feel this
Body wants real love from me:
Real love: wants to be held
Fire and intensity in the legs, intense burn in the left knee and left front of ankle,
Tiring
Exhaling sound
Inner support: resisting my older wiser me being there
Resistance wants to quit - keeps me stuck - lives in my chest and burning knee. Her voice tells me not too, shes strong, sitting on the couch.
Look like: myself when I was 8 / 9 years old. Chubby fat kid, shes also happy, looks like a tiny version of me, one thats shy and scared to live life, to step out of line, to do something wrong / make mistakes - fucking terrified, being alive feels like too much.
Feel like I don’t know myself I didn’t know this about my little
IC. Needs: just want to play and have fun, just want everyone to like me, just want love and freedom - freedom from all the mean people out there.
Freedom from my mum
Support: A small part in my heart can meet her needs, a nice space, deep in the heart in a corner, get warmth and what she needs
Buying a plot of land for inner child: will build a space for her, to have fun and to play, not be judget
Celebrate: that i was able to go that deep, to get to that vulnerable place, that i stayed present through the pain
Home play
Keep connecting to inner love!
Love mediation, embodiment,
Containment - holding the intensity of feelings without acting on impulse
Friendsip cultivation and development - throughout the week
Week 14
Week 15
Self blame for changes with men
Constricting, feeling trapped in a cage
Tenderness moves after making sound, lots moving
Heart to pussy:im feeling controlled by you, as if i dont matter, as if i dont have a say, its not fair that i watch you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, i want to work with you you and not watch you keep hurting me
Pussy to heart: i dont know what you want me to say, im just wanting to have fun, sometimes i feel you trying to step in from my fun, i dont want you to be part of it, i have more fun without you, part of me is sorry but part of me isnt sorry
I dont want to be controlled, i want to do whats right for me
Heart to Pussy: alright, i'm hearing you are wanting to have fun, there are moments you are having fun but there are moments i think you think you're having fun, if you allowed me to join in and work with you then i can help you to decipher the real kinds of fun between the not so real.
I know you have been hurt in the past and thats why now youre feeling out of control and want to fuck naything that moves but dont you see that thats hurting you and hurting me as well?
Pussy to heart: this is why i won't let you join in, because what you're making me feel rihgt now, i dont want to feel that right now, but you keep trying to join and make me feel things, i dont want you to be there
Heart to pussy: i'm lost for words, i didn't realise how much you don't want to include me, i didn’t know that you being able to actually feel to have me join in, how much it changes things for you. Feeling very confused and i don't understand how to mend this relationship and this connection when you don't want me to - now it appears we are both just hurting
I really really want to fix it but I dont know how, this helplessness fucking hurts, it burns - i want this pain to go away
Pussy to heart: i dont think its very fair, now you're blaming me for everything, just because i won't let you tag along, now i'm making you burn, i don't understand, i just want to have fun, why does this have to be a thing, you know how much, this is why i don't talk to you, you make me feel like shit
I feel as though you feel a sense of superiority over me, you are the more responsible one because I don't want to be responsible. I guess that's why you exist, which means I have to let you in
Heart to pussy: i can hear that you don't like me being around and you're finally admitting it, i know you don't like me being there, and me being the responsible one, but you make it sound like i can't be fun if i'm responsible, im helping you to realise when you're not sure about what you're doing, help you get out of situations rather than be stuck. I know you're grateful. I'm confused and don't know how to move forward.
Needs: i want to be heard
I want to be occasionally let in more
I want to work with you not against you
Pussy needs:
I don't want to be judged by you
I don't want to feel like you're the one that's supposed to be in control / bossed / shamed
Middle ground: to start off with: i don't intend to judge you, i'm going to intend to be more supportive of your fun, I didn't realise that I was doing that, i'm sorry this whole time I thought this was coming out of a place of love, but I guess it hasn't come across that way. I will do my best to judge you less
Pussy: I appreciate hearing that and if you're able to do that I will do my best to invite you in, and allow you to guide me at times, there are moments I get carried away with things, and i'm not able to think clearly, and I know you are, and you are able to help me, and I suppose I want to be open to listening to you a little bit more
Heart: this feels like a good start
Homeplay: DO aspecting process whenever a decision needs to be made between pussy and heart.
After care.
Atishas mediation Daily
Week 16
Feeling debilitating headache causeed from neck, need to seek help - I deserve it.
Exploring Standards
-How to start respecting yourself
-going on dates in real life
I would like to allow pleasure into my life that aligns with all of
me and not just one part.
Pussys way of ruling my sex life is not aligned with my highest good.
Living out of sex scarcity
Closing energetic cords in life and in relating
Feeling exhausted and depleted. Had enough of myself and not respecting myself, putting other things first.
I don't want to give anymore.
Standards:
1. Must be attracted?? Thinking about this one
2. Date is the bare minimum
3. Explore not sleeping together straight away
4. Head - Heart - Pussy – 2 / 3 must be present
Needs to actually be conversation around non sex based topics -connect not only sexually
5. I listen to my no and respect it. I have the power to walk away and not let them into my sacred space
6. I leave gracefully
7. Must show interest in me
8.
9.
10.
Home Play
Have compassion for not being respectful to myself
-Start tidying up my cords - Draw cords how they are now and how to look
-Discipline Pussy with the new guidelines not punish.
Week 17
Celebrations:
-Blocked dude who wanted to pursue sex
-signed up for some delightfulness for me with sophia and lydia
-I’ve gotten much stronger over the last year and a half, i can emotionally compose myself a lot
Feeling ashamed of being the other woman, lot of conflict within myself, pushing it down
GIving my energy to someone, liking getting pursued by another man
Heart driving it because she wants someone to love me.
Pity yourself
Exploring: layer of the heart that wants this
Lot of energy and adrenaline - so much that wants to come out and to play, to feel and satisfy deep yearning of being seen, heard, cherished, wants intense, raw, passionate, fiery love
Going into the emptiness: sad little hole, dark, does not have much warmth or light
Part of me that is angry at me for doing this: im undeserving of compassion, i dont have the right to have compassion, i told myself growing up that i would probably become someones mistress,
Receiving the love i couldnt give myself, truth, releasing the guilt and shame
Higher self choices:
-I want to let this guy know that i cant continue to talk to him in the way that i have
-Giving myself the love and stop out-sourcing it
-have compassion for what i have done
True authentic desire of the heart: wants real authentic love, wants to be loved equally, have love shared, fired of pining over unavailable people, wants a man available on every level, single, open, able to accept every part of me, wants to build beautiful passionate intense lovely relationship - real organic love, not taking love from each other. Sharing love openly and freely
See: the best version of myself ive ever been, someone who looks as though theyre glowing, filled with joy
Feel: sense of freedom, weight lifted off shoulders, warmth of them around me, their touch, see the delightful smile, lovely energy all around them
Hear: silence, calm silence
Taste: home
Home Play
-Message guy to let him know this is not in alignement anymore
-Tune in with your north start
-Reflect on what it is you do really want? Love, friendship?
Week 18
Shakti meditation process, hips saying no to being touched, and stomach
Hearing the boundaries of the body and not being a ‘failure’ - celebrating listening to them
The bodies speed is much slower than our mind expects
Home play
Being with stomach lovingly each day!
Week 19
Feeling anger, jealousy and sadness - feeling jealousy about women in self development industries comparative stories
Angry that to get what I want I have to work really hard.
Comparison to Margot Robbie, not loving body / self
Jealousy VS Envy
Feel envy of his partner - especially when he gives too many words of affirmation
Somatic Sexuality
Resistances:
What if it's not right?
Scared of what's going to come up with genital mapping - want it on my terms,feel that I don't have a choice. Feeling frightened and scared and worried
Heady and wary
Have to touch other people, haven't done in non sexual context
Have to be witnesses masturbating: feels like invasion of privacy
Tightness in chest, thigh just above knees is burning
Feeling unlovable, like no one likes me,
Feel like I have to commit because I told people i'm doing it
Excitement:
Growth I will receive
Friendship and connections
Knowledge that I do want to learn
Is this it right time for the course?
Mind said no, sometime in heart
Are you ready?
Is your body ready?
Embodiment process
breath work, stomach activated
16 year old was controlled a lot and made reckless decisions
‘No one understands, I don’t understand, how lonely I am. How much I want to be wanted and needed by others. To be cared for. Diana doesn’t listen to me. I would feel less alone.’
Diana to 16 year old: I dont know how to listen to her, what to do, how to take care of her. We’re both very different but very the same. There’s certain things we care about that don’t align.
What is really going on here?
The older version of me isnt willing to accept that it isnt the right time. Both of them dont realise that there are lots of people around them that genuinely care about them. They tend to forget that. The reason they forget that is they dont love each other, or connect with each other.
I think you two need to learn how to play together and by doing so that’s going to help with your loneliness.
It might not be the right time for you but doesn’t mean the right time wont come up again.
Home play
Integrating big session thourhg journaling
Staring to make plan for the next 12 months now that not enrolling
Week 20 - integration and carrying forward
GOING FORWARD
-Organising move to Melbourne help with the move
-BODY LOVE
-CONNECTING WITH MEN IN AN UNSEXUAL WAY: HOW TO make friends with men / de sexualise - inner masculine healing
-working with inner child (buy her a plot of land, make space bigger for her to play - week 14)
-inner father - UNCLE process
-Inner mother process
-Sitting with intense emotions
-Building resilience with stillness -5 mins meditation every session
-Period Queen - high priority!
-Finish pussy book in a forngihth
-the non linear journey of healing
-Pussy heart conversation
Week 1.0
Week 1
Celebration
-swamping, daily feeling the feelings
-applied for a few jobs
-signing up for 12 week coaching program
Moving out list:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1iBIGHp35P5zUyM324OVibaSBnAmXXLpTX6UiCYnxjyg/edit?usp=sharing
Week 2.0
-Eating at the supermarket, cooking for myself, making nutritious - delicious meals!
Body is enjoying
-Applied for a bunch of jobs
-Back is basically 100% back in action - inspired to focus on my health - motivated and excited
-Experiencing the touch of love from self
Belonging and self love are the biggest challenges in my life. Belonging in my body
Rewiring my story about my intelligence
Mum calling me an idiot / stupid, not knowing how to tell the time, my grammar, friends bullying me for not knowing things (sexual things) - laugh and bully
Make me feel like Im dumb / not smart enough.
Ive tried to feel as though im a smarter person, ex didnt support my intelligence said he knew everything
Pain around relationship - in love with someone I can’t have
Chloe shares what happens in body hearing this: feel heavy and defeated. Like you are not choosing your highest self.
Addicted to the gratification - dopamine - but actually addicted to a phone as there is no real life relationship
Need to move to Melbourne - re invigorate list of what needs to be done
Activating archetype who can get you to Melbourne
Home Play
Create Mable account
post in FB group
Keep getting your list done
Hang out with Geelong sister
Week 3.0 - 14/09/2023
Celebrating
Womens circle poster! The loving feedback I’ve been getting about my art <3
Connection between swamping, last nights sacred spot ritual and listening to true crime episode about rape.
Re-living rape experience but unable to feel the emotion of it because I don’t know if I’m believed, by the perpetrator, family or the world outside sisterhood.
Crack open when asked - What is the most loving thing you could do for yourself.
Big emotional release but still not able to fully feel it all.
After emotional release know I need to tell myself it wasn’t my fault, that im not to blame, that it wasnt right Cant complete the process of sharing this with myself yet. Too activating. Set boundary
Drama Triangle
Looking at how I can move from a victim to empowered in the situation with my sister and brother-in-law
I’m the one in the family who gets to brake the chain, im uplevelling my communication skills
Hard but can’t turn back now <3
Home Play
Read / listen too /watch NVC ( non-violent communication)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7TONauJGfc&t=69s
Reflect on how this style of communicating could change my life and relationships
Week 4.0
Photoshoot, messaging fairyfloss people re housemate
Cannot love my stomach and neck
Body mind - hurts/ trapped feeling in that area, sick yucky
Find friends with bigger bodies / support groups
Cant feel the sensaton, dont want to accept myself.
Non accepance lives under right breast -
—--------------------
-breast and butt love validated me
-men dont only want skinny women
Radical acts of bravery””
Learning to sit in the discomfort
Hands on sessions with Chloe.
HOMEPLAY
Feel my feelings
Dance
re write intentions for house
Week 5.0
Home play
-Draw picture of pussy with stars <3
-Keep the line of communication open - allowing the grief / negative emotions that come with this opening to be there with compassion
-Tend to Pussy lovingly: ask how shes going? Be tender like she was a sick little kitten <3
Week 6.0
Inner Father / Uncle process
Clearing pain and anger
Gratitudes for who he was and how is was before it changed
Seeing Inner father with my little girl, at the beach, holding her, present, protective, loving and supportive.
’I’ve always been there waiting wanting to support you’
Home Play
Go deeper into aspecting process and see if you can allow embodiment -sound, movement, expression of emotions
What parts of my uncle do I wish to carry forward
Whats parts am I ready to let go of
How can I let go of the pain more and more
How can I begin to rely on the support of my inner father over my earth father to meet my needs
Week 7.0
powerful aspecting process with ex partner
Finally allowing myself to acknowledge the good times so that I can be more free
Fully standing against the pain that this relationship caused
Seeing that this relationship turned me into the person I am today
Home Play
What parts of my relationship served me in becoming who I am today?
Whats parts am I ready to let go of
How can I continue to let go of this relationship and move forward with my life?
What has this relationship taught me about my future relationships
Week 8.0
Conscious relating with house mate
Feeling like im the victim, not feeling in my power
Feeling that she is in shadow mother
Aspecting process speaking truth:
want to be equal, feel that my needs arent as important as yours, want to communicate
Witness and Higher consciousness speak
Brining in Non Violent Communication tools - taking responsibility for our feelings
Week 9.0
Week 10.0
Completion week!
Celebrating the retreat, Layla studies, pussy nearly fully healed
Inner Mother process
Clearing earth mother: how her own religious and cultural upbrining was imprinted onto me in a way that wasn’t fair or necessary. Always crying instead of seeing how I feel. The time I was sexually assulted and wasn’t even checked in with.
Lot of rage and pain released, feel deep seperation from mother.
Love and Gratitude: All the ways you tried, not making us do bible study, buying me charmed set which supported me so much. Many memories of the little things making me realise how much you did try and do care.
Heart softening and opening towards mother - grief released.
Inner mother
White haired wise woman sitting looking at me.
Gentle loving and kind
Chanelling her message of pure love and acceptance, guidance and support.
Feel held by her wisdom and compassion.
Rest and integrate.
Home Play
As you are also doing this process in the Layla course it is my advise that you simply journal, look for signs and messages from your inner mother, and notice any changes with your earth mother. You will deepen this process in your training.
Completing our time together.
Diana I am so so so proud of you. After 12 months of deep profoundly life changing work I am not surprised to see that you are starting to tackle bigger and grander projects like becoming a sex love and relationship coach.
In time look back over these notes to see where you have come from.
You will always have a sister in me.
With Love
Chloe