YOUR PUSSY IS NOT DEAD

Your Pussy is not Dead, said Lin as she stood with her finger hovering outside the entrance of my vagina.

Lin Holmquist is a well known Swedish Tantrica,  while l living in Sweden I was lucky enough to attend her Tantric Dating Master Class retreat co-lead by Aaron Kleinerman, and Australian tantra teacher.

I positively adored the 3 day retreat. I'd learnt about my serious lack of boundaries, how to rebuild them, I'd fucked someone's third eye with my energetic cock, I'd learnt to dance with my pussy and I'd discovered how far my energetic body extended. 

But at the end of the retreat I was more sure than ever of a deep fear I'd been harbouring...That my pussy was dead.

You see before I'd arrived to Sweden I had taken a vow of celibacy, I'll share more about that adventure another day. When the vow had been completed I promptly found a beautiful Swedish man to fuck.

He was a sweet and kind man, but there was a problem. I didn't actually like him, and neither did my pussy. This was a habit I'd been in for years; fucking whomever I chose for the sake of fucking. 

Don't get me wrong it was FUN. I loved how much liberation I felt in being able to own my inner slut.

But while my slut was having a great time there were other parts of me that were suffering. 

The parts of me that were soft, that were shy, that craved for love, and to really really  feel safe  before I let someone enter Pussy.

And so at the end of Lin and Aaron's retreat when Lin shared that she offered Tantric Yoni Massages, I was a hell yes. If anyone could bring Pussy back to life I was sure it would be Lin.

We met in a private room, she welcomed me in and asked me to share what I desired from the session. 

I want to feel pleasure in my pussy again. I want her to wake up. I want to know she's not dead. That I didn't kill her by fucking too much.

She asked me to slowly undress in front of her, I had no problem with my body or nudity, yet my breath was shallow and my heart was beginning to race.

She came around behind me and used her pelvis to move mine, in a rocking motion so that I would relax... she sensed I was on edge. 

Once I was set up on the bed she told me, I'm going to go very slow, if at any point you want me to stop you must say. Once I get to the entrance of your vagina I will ask you if I can enter,

You must say no if you feel even the slightest no. 

I took a breath and willed my body to relax, I wanted this, I wanted her to reawaken Pussy. I wouldn't let my stupid nerves ruin this. All these thoughts were zooming through my head and I wasn't at all present as her hand made it's way towards Pussy.

Then suddenly she was hovering at the entrance. May I enter?

My head way shouting yes yes, say yes! But A Force bigger than my thoughts took over..

No! 

No erupted from me before my mind could stop it.

What was I saying! I wanted this, I wanted my pleasure back! Didn't I? As my mind reeled I looked up and Lin and she was smiling.

Why the fuck is she smiling I thought venomously. Do you feel it? She asked. 

Feel what there's no bloody finger in me, but as I let the anger in me quieten down everything began to quieten down. And then I felt it.

From deep within me there was the undeniable electromagnetic pulsation extending it's way out from the depths of my pussy and making a tendril of contact with Lin's hovering finger.

It was like one of those galactic orbs I used to play with as a child, where you'd press your finger the lightening would connect with you.

Your pussy is not dead Chloe. She is very much alive. And I have a feeling this pulsation is a sign of gratitude for your no.

BOOM. My mind erupted. Of course. Of course! My pussy had gone offline because I belligerently let her be entered without her consent, without her true yes. And hiring Lin to enter her no matter how lovingly was not the answer. 

Saying NO for her was the answer. Proving that I had learnt her boundaries and I would uphold them was the answer. I was crying again but this time they were tears of JOY.

Learning the language of my Pussy has been a long, challenging and beautiful journey. Along that journey Pussy asked me if I would teach other womxn to communicate with their pussys just I had learnt. And I said yes.

Whatever your relationship with your Pussy I hope this story has landed right where it needed too.
If you want to hear me sharing about it live I'll be on IGTV at 8pm AEST tonight - I would love to have you there with me.

Love Chloe Adriana