He entered me with Reverence
Firstly, before I reflect on my birthday lessons I want to acknowledge and share my disgust and devastation at the overturning of the Roe v Wade case in America. If you are not aware the Rove v Wade was a 50 year old case which allowed women (female bodied beings) in America to legally access abortion.
With it’s overturning on Saturday, abortion is to be made illegal, effective immediately, in 26 states and counting. This is a crime against women and a crime against reproductive freedom. I cannot even fathom the devastation of those in America, yet it is a devastation for us as a humanity.
If it is NOT your body. It is NOT your fucking choice, and I cannot believe in 2022 we are further away from such BASIC, yet essential rights than we were 50 years ago.
CUE ANGER RELEASE!!!
Now, I desire to share about the devotional worship and love I received from my Lover on my Birthday.
But first let's travel back in time…
Once upon a time, I, Chloe Adriana, did not love myself.
There are many ways I was lost to my self love, but the one that cut the deepest, was the type of men I attracted into my life.
I never knew my father growing up, and so it was my internalised belief that my father didn’t want me. I was abandoned.
Because of this internalised abandonment I learnt to relate with men in desperate, fearful and anxious ways.
I was so desperate to receive validation, love and the feeling of being chosen by men - that I attracted the exact opposite.
Weekend after weekend, year after year, I found myself sleeping with, or casually dating men who disrespected me, used me, and discarded me.
They would:
-Refuse to meet up in the day time
-Refuse to let me hold their hand or kiss them in public
-Refuse to make it official with me after being together for months
-Expect me to serve them in the bedroom without ever serving me
-Fucked me like we were in a porn movie, over working my pussy so she became desensitised
-Told me my hair and blood was disgusting and to sort it out if I wanted to see them again
-Took another woman home in front of me while we were out together at a nightclub
-Blocked and deleted me without warning, explanation or empathy
Yes, I was a woman living in pain, completely distraught and lost as to how I could possibly be so unlucky in love?
Until I realised the reason was me.
This is always a hard pill to swallow, but the reason for most of our suffering is in fact ourselves.
For you see, because of my childhood father abandonment, I had a subconscious belief system running that I was unwanted, that I would never be chosen and that I would never be loved by a man.
Because I carried these internalised beliefs I was creating a reflection of their truth in the outside world.
The ‘horrible / cruel ’men I attracted were confirming what I already believed about myself.
I needed to fall in love with myself to find love.
I had to recover my wounded inner child and teach her that the beliefs she held were NOT true, that she was wanted, chosen, and loved by men.
It took strength to transform these 27 year old beliefs, strength I didn’t have, until I awoke my Queen Within.
It has been years since I mobilised my Queen and received the benefits of her loyal, firm and unwavering love for me.
And for my birthday, when I woke up in the morning to the kisses and caresses from my lover, to a gift he'd chosen from the kindness in his heart,
When I received his devotion of my body, his licking of my underarms (hair and all), his inhaling with delight of my fragrant pussy,
When he kissed me with deep passion, enveloping my mouth like it was the last thing he’d taste,
When he entered me with reverence, and moved only at the pace that served my pleasure,
When he left me alone to have my day then returned to a house full of women, himself the only man,
When he massaged my feet in our candlelit bath, gazing wondrously into my eyes for hours,
When he told me how beautiful I am and cried openly to me,
I knew…
That the embodiment of my Queen, had become a beacon of light for Kings like him to find me.
My Embodying the Queen Within Immersion is not just a fun time to play pretend…
It is an opportunity to change your life.
Where in your life are you still inviting disrespect, lack and unworthiness?
Where are you settling for what your wounded self thinks they deserve?
You are a Queen.
It’s time to do something about acting like one.
And that something is coming to my two day immersion, here in Melbourne on the 23rd and 24th of July held in Collingwood.
Early Bird price finishes this Friday.
Join us.