Your sexuality was innocent all along
Self pleasure is natural and safe.
For all too many women / female bodies, pleasure has not been safe.
Whether your pleasure was omitted from all conversations growing up, leaving you to assume: “If it isn't spoken about it must be wrong.”
Whether you were raised religious, and actively told that pleasure is wrong, bad, even evil.
Or whether, devastatingly, you are one of far too many, whose sacred body has been violated through sexual violence.
And so, pleasure, truly, was not safe for you.
Because of these reasons and many more women and female bodied beings go through their lives believing that their pleasure is invalid,
Is unnatural,
Is unsafe.
And this is a tragedy.
Because the truth is, pleasure by its very nature is innocent.
Ultrasounds have captured moving images of babies playing with their genitals in utero.
Floating in the void unimpacted by any social construct the unborn baby fondles their genitals…
Why?
Scientists call it a gratification behaviour. Meaning they do it purely because it feels good!
There are no conscious thoughts from the baby thinking “I hope mum won't mind if I do this in here…” Of course not.
They are simply acting on feeling, and self pleasure feels good.
So then, what happens to that floating in utero innocence?
Once we are born, the relationship our parents and society has with sexuality will set the stage for our sexual development.
Child sexuality is a taboo in many societies. People, parents in particular, often avoid discussing sexuality with children and even forbid them from discussing sexuality with others.
They are also often in denial about children's capability to have sexual feelings and fear that discussions about sexuality will ruin the innocence of a child (Jarkovská & Lamb, 2018).
This isn't true.
I distinctly remember being four years old, swinging around the pole of my Granny's washing line. My little thighs were tightly squeezed around the pole, and as I spun, already delightfully dizzying, I began to feel a sensation between my legs that grew more and more pleasurable.
I spun and spun myself around that pole.
I wasn't aware that I was stimulating my clitorous, I didn't even know I had one!
My pursuit of pleasure was pure innocence.
Research shows that children will seek out these pleasurable experiences with themselves or with other children. From humping teddy's to stroking even kissing.
This is all natural and innocent behaviour.
It is only when the distorted adult lens, the discomfort in their own sexuality, sees this behaviour, shuns it and shames it that we begin to form a belief about pleasure.
We learn to believe:
It is wrong. It is dangerous. It is unsafe.
But what if, instead of being shrouded in shame and secrecy, we were raised to see self pleasure as a rite of passage, an initiation into the sacredness of sexuality?
Imagine a world where children's innocent exploration of pleasure was accepted and normalised.
Imagine if adolescents were not only taught about the mechanics of reproduction like how to put a condom on a banana!
But about the beauty and importance of self-exploration and self-pleasure.
A world where discussions about pleasure are not whispered behind closed doors but are openly encouraged, embraced.
Where pleasure is seen as our own expression of art.
In such a world children and teenagers would grow up with a healthy understanding and attunement to the natural desires of their bodies.
They would learn that pleasure is not something to be shamed, feared or repressed but rather something to be celebrated and honoured - something that reduces stress, increase relaxation, encourages restful sleep, improves moods and increases a sense of self love and self worth.
This shift in perspective could have profound implications for society as a whole.
By empowering women and female bodied beings, and men as well, to explore their sexuality from a young age - in a safe and respectful way, we could truly help prevent sexual violence and abuse.
But achieving this vision requires a fundamental shift in our attitudes towards sexuality. We must challenge the outdated notion that pleasure is sinful or shameful and instead embrace it as a form of art, a natural and delicious part of what it is to be a human.
That's where my training self pleasure arts comes in.
I have dedicated the last 6 years to studying and teaching female bodied being to become educated and initiated in self pleasure.
You may have missed the opportunity for a childhood of healthy sexuality education.
But right now, you can initiate yourself in the art of pleasure you were never taught.
To create the vision of a world liberated in pleasure, we must reclaim our bodies one at a time.
When your pleasure is liberated, those around you will feel the change, as will the childrens whos lives you influence.
Only then can we hope to see the ripples of change our souls are seeking.
A world where pleasure is art.