Downloading the app Hinge has been on my mind for quite some weeks. 

I was a Tinder user back when it all began (2012).

Since Tinder's creation I have been on and off Tinder a plethora of times, I've used Bumble, used Babble (Sweden), been totally off apps, and in the past three years, with the creation of upgraded dating apps, I have matured to the rather clever marketing - Made to be Deleted - Le Hinge. 

In case you're not in the world of dating apps the difference Hinge brings is that it forces you to actually reflect a bit more deeply on a human being.

When creating a profile you showcase multiple photos, coaxing you to choose ones which may fit certain tag lines  ‘As seen on my Grandmothers fridge'. It gives you prompts for sharing more information e.g. hobbies, interests, two truths and a lie, and it asks you for preference on alcohol, drugs, weed and children - all the important stuff. 

And yet while the intention of the app is to share yourself in more depth, I have found that whenever I curate my profile I do so with an air of how funny, naturey, outgoing and colourful I am. I write only witty or bold statements in my message prompts, and when I begin swiping I still become so addicted to the act of swiping itself, that many of my matches are often like chicken eggs left without a feathery bum atop to help them hatch.

So I decided that this time, if I was going to re-download a dating app. It was going to be different. 

I decided to create the Chloe Adriana Hinge guidelines and they are as follows.

1. Intention: The most important rule to me was to actually acknowledge wtf my intention for downloading a dating app, once again, was. Now this may seem obvious, but for me, a person with a predisposition for anxious attachment, I have spent many years trying to hide the truth of my desires in an attempt to be more desirable -  I was always told no one likes girls who were too keen. And so when I sat with myself and got REALLY real, the intention was clear...I want to meet my soul partner and dive into a deep, loving, expansive, honouring, long term relationship!

2. Make Intention clear in Hinge Profile: Now it’s one thing to have a beautiful intention, and it’s another to set up your profile in a way that you ‘think’ makes you most desirable. Aka my look, how funny, naturey, outgoing and colourful I am - of course I AM funny, naturey and colourful but I am also more than that and saying that alone was not being truly transparent about what I WANT.

What I’ve learnt along my spiritual and self development path is that the Universe ( or God or whatever you believe in) is listening. If you say you want to call in partnership loud and clear then it is more likely to happen.

But, if portray a profile that lacks depth, substance and truth, then you will call in matches who lack depth, substance and truth.

3. Self Pleasure Prior to any Hinge Use
Here’s where it gets a bit sacred sexuality / tantric. In my training I have learnt a lot about emotional vibrations, there are high vibration emotions - ecstasy, bliss, orgasmic, and there are low vibration emotions - loneliness, anguish, guilt.

High and low does not mean good or bad, it means that your energy is set to a certain frequency and within that frequency there are certain things you would be suited to doing, and certain things you would be suited to not doing. E.g. Giving a speech at your sister's wedding when you are feeling guilty will impact the resonance of that speech.

Going onto Hinge when you are in a low vibration will impact who you swipe yes / no too, the way you communicate and the plans you do / don’t make!

SO, to ensure I am in a high vibration when I am on Hinge I made this rule. Self pleasure doesn’t mean masturabtion it means being in a state of pleasure - that might look like dancing, a breast massage, singing, stroking my body, sniffing essential oils - or I can totally masturbate if I want to!

If I can’t get myself in the mood to do a high vibe igniting self pleasure practice then I am not in the right space to be Hinging!

4. Don’t keep swiping while people are in your like box
Aha, my guidelines begin to get more challenging.
As I mentioned I can be a bit of a swipe addict. Dating apps are literally made to mimok gambling apps so I’m not to blame! But I do need to be self-disciplined.

To stop myself from continuously swiping and not deepinging my matches I created the rule that forces me to actually look at the accumulated matches, or those waiting in my love heart tray (people who already liked me in the Hinge app).

This rule forces me to remember my intention. I am not here for an ego boost, naturally some egoic boostage can happen, I am here for my intention of connecting and so I need to connect with those who are there!

5. Deepen or end matches within two weeks
Many times in the past my matches have sat there like unhatched, neglected chicken eggs. Energy un-stoked can have a time limit. When you match someone there IS some energetic exchange activated, but I believe it is significantly weaker than face-to-face energy activations. Meaning the shelf life of that energy is limited and you need to either move forward or end the match.

6. Check in and ask questions in accordance with Head, Heart, Pussy.
In many traditions there are different points in the body which have different will, purpose or intent. In the Daoist tradition this is the lower, middle and upper tan tien. I refer to my three strongest points of will, purpose and intent to be my Head, Heart and Pussy.

Think about it. Each of these parts have different agendas, wisdom and life experiences so when it comes to dating they can want different things.

E.g. Pussy may want that hot Bad Boy, Head my say Fuck no we know all about them, and Heart may say Please not again!
Or Pussy may find a certain match unsexy, while the heart may find them safe and sweet and the head may love the intelligence oozing from their profile.

In both these examples the three centres are not in alignment meaning someone is losing out. When it comes to relationships I want all parts of me to be happy and fulfilled. So when I’m swiping or connecting I want to check in with Head, Heart and Pussy and see how they feel!

7. Use three times per week
EEEEEK! This one is hard! But so far I stand by it!

I do not want to spend my entire week being obsessed with Hinge. I run my own business, I have an active social life, a very active self-pleasure life and I am always seeking more down time doing fucking nothing with a screen.

So for this rule I decided that, like a part time job, I would attend to my Hinge just three times per week! This means I can go on as many times as I want throughout those days (I set a 15 min timer per use), it forces me to actually engage on those days, and it prompts me to see if I feel connected to a match enough to move them OFF the app.

Once someone is in my phonebook I can chat to them as often as I like, but I won’t be doing that with any ol Hinger.

8. If connecting with someone ask for a video chat
YES! I have asked people for a video chat and they have refused!
WOOHOO! I consider that a big win on my end, I just saved myself time chatting to someone who either is not who they say they are or lacks some kind of confidence to do so .

I’ve done a lot of self work and I need a partner who loves themself on an equal playing field as me. In my eyes, if you love yourself, you can jump on a video call.

9. Met them - just fuckin meet them.
And in the end after all that. If I don’t just fucking met them, then this has all been a waste.

Yet, finding time in the madness of Melbourne life it can seriously be so easy to avoid plans, cancel and change plans or hypothesize mysterious plans for the future which never eventuate.

Fuck that.

I made a rule for myself to just meet the human - by now my head, heart and pussy like you, we’ve chatted on video call so I’m obviously into them on some level!

So let's bloody meet and see how we go from there.

And that's it folks! The Chloe Adriana Hinge Guidelines!!!

What do you think?
Would you follow these?
Could you follow these?
Which were your favourite rules, which are the hardest?
Would you add any?

Comment below I’d love to hear your thoughts.

And stay tuned to my guidelines adventures on Hinge - 2021!