Mothers and Dildos
Mothers and Dildos
Not a combination you hear every day, nor one that many want to hear.
Yet, this weekend I spent my Saturday with my Mum, selling dildos at St Andrews Market, Melbourne.
My Instagram was influxed with messages of love, admiration, disbelief and applause when I shared this.
And I totally understood.
Just 5 years ago if I myself had seen someone selling dildos with their mother, I too would be having feelings of disbelief and admiration.
You see growing up my relationship with my mother on the topic of sexuality was nothing like what it is now.
I remember when I first got my period I told my Mum and she simply said: okay I’ll go buy some things from the supermarket.
I was crestfallen, I’d heard of parents who threw parties and baked cakes for their daughters first bleed, yet I received no form of celebration.
Later when I got my first boyfriend I kept waiting for ‘The talk.’
But it never came.
Instead highschool taught me I should fear pregnancy and STI’s and taught me to put a condom on a banana.
My Mum simply didn’t have anything to do with my sexuality.
And as I became more sexually curious and adventurous I inevitably felt more separate from her.
Sex was a side of me that was invisible.
Invisible in my workspace also, being a Primary school teacher it was an unspoken taboo to even suggest that teachers have sex or masturbate.
With no Mother to guide me sexually, nor an Aunt, nor proper education system, I, like so many other young people - walked around in the dark ‘figuring out’ sex and self pleasure.
Until five years ago, when I realised I was tired of making sexual mistakes, and I was tired of seeing others do it too.
I decided to step up as an educator and influencer on the subject.
Speaking my learnings and teachings through my anonymous blog ‘Tales of a Wannabe Red Head’ and then later, more boldly on my Facebook - I started to receive push back from my Mother.
She was embarrassed by what I was sharing “What if the family sees?”, “What will they think?”
In response, I was angry.
Angry at her for not being the one to teach me these things, and angry for her shaming and judging me.
I told her that she’d better support me or I would cut her out of my life.
It was a trying time in our relationship.
Until, I discovered inner family work.
Through my coaching training I was guided to meet my Inner Mother.
My inner Mother was young and beautiful, she was completely open and radiant.
She celebrated the woman I was, and celebrated my bravery for wanting to do the work I did.
We journeyed back in time together, to meet my inner child.
She shared all the wisdom she knew about sexuality, she told little Chloe that when she felt curious to touch herself she was so welcome to do that, that it was natural and beautiful.
She taught little Chloe that her body was a temple and that when she wanted to interact sexually with other people, that they too much treat her body like a temple.
She taught my inner little girl boundaries, consent, pleasure tips, she gave her permission and encouraged her to blossom in her sexuality.
My Inner Mother was the ideal, emotionally intelligent, sexually evolved role model who could reform my inner self into feeling self supported, self loved, and forgiving.
Suddenly, with my Inner Mother in place I was able to see my earth Mother in a new light.
How could she have been the ideal mother when it came to teaching me about sexuality?
She was not taught a single thing by her parents, in fact she was raised religiously which had many more constraints and judgements around her sexuality.
The deeper I looked I began to see the beauty in my mothers way…
She wasn’t able to teach me, or verbally support me, but she didn’t question me.
She didn’t put me down.
She let me watch sexually explicit movies.
That was her way of letting me find my own way.
She gave me a free pass, which with her own experience was more than she ever got.
As I did the inner work my Mother started changing towards my work, she started telling people about it, even posting my events on her Facebook.
And one day when I suggested that I wanted to start selling dildos as a way to reach more people with my work she told me that she would be my investor, that I could pay her back interest free.
Then when I started selling the dildos and noticed that hardly any women above 40 came to my stand she suggested that she would come to make them feel more comfortable.
My Mum is amazing.
She doesn’t say much when we are at the stands but she smiles and welcomes people, she supports me in her way.
Doing the inner work to develop an inner Mother has changed not only my personal life, but most importantly the relationship between my earth mother and I.
I have guided coaching clients through the inner mother process whose mothers have passed away.
Through this experience they are able to feel a deeper sense of connection with their mother who has left this realm, but they are also able to feel that an inner mother remains here with them.
I have coached clients whose mothers have inflicted horrific atrocities upon them.
They have been able to move into a place of letting go, even forgiving - and slowly have replaced their long felt pain with the tender touch of an inner mother who does nothing but love and support them.
The archetype of a Mother is an essential role in all of our lives.
The Mother shapes so much of who we are, how we relate and how we love.
In my six week mini-coaching program I will be guiding clients to face the pain and grief of the ways their earth mother has lacked,
We will be creating and inviting the inner mother and connecting her with the inner child to meet their needs
And thus creating a paradigm shift in the relationship between the client and their earth mother.
This is a life changing process that I wish for all people to be able to experience as they walk the path of life.
If you want to take this journey with me, reply to this email and we’ll arrange a free call to take the next steps.
To my mother. I love you.
Thank you for being exactly who you were and are as a mother.
I forgive you completely for that which you couldn't teach me, and I am so grateful for the many many ways in which you continue to love and support me.