How my continued actions of self abandonment and desperation had reached breaking point.

I was out with friends when the latest man I had decided to desperately convince to love me, came up to me and said he wanted to go home with the woman I’d anxiously watched him talking to.

This was the second time in my life that the person of my infatuation had gone home with someone else when we’d been out together.

I ran out of the club into the cobbled streets of Lisbon nightlife and started to wail.

I was inconsolably, sobbing and while one friend stood guard another grabbed my hands and managed to break through to me, let’s go home Chloe.

Suddenly I took the deepest of breaths and heaved my defeated body up.

I then saw that the man who was the catalyst of this was standing a few metres away, kept back by my other friend, a look of mortification on his face.

I couldn’t blame him, to him, he’d just caused me to have a mental breakdown.

But I knew it wasn’t him.

He was the cherry on top of an enormous cake of self abandonment, unworthiness, desperation and despair that I had been baking myself for years.

I turned around and slumped back to our Airbnb. My friends shepherded behind me.

As they started to talk casually, trying to break the atmosphere, I racked my brain of what to do next?

I knew I had a problem, I couldn’t deny it anymore.

This was the 8th man in a row who had flat out disposed of me after I’d spent days trying to prove to them how lovable I was.

I knew I had a problem and I knew I needed a solution but I didn’t know what it was?

I got into my bedroom and I sobbed for hours until finally I passed out.

When I awoke I knew what to do.

It was suddenly so obvious, I’d heard the phrase pass people's mouths and I’d seen it a bunch of times on instagram…

My solution, I knew, would be Self Love.

But how do you get self love?

I walked out of the apartment and determinedly walked to the nearest hairdresser. Inside I asked them to dye my hair bright red.

Sitting in silence I watched the colour change to fire and I felt the fires of change stirring inside of me.

Paying I walked around the corner and saw a tattoo parlour. I walked in and after sitting with the Brazilian tattoo artist making a design I got the words:

Self Love Club tattooed on my (a phrase coined by @frances cannon)

Outside, with my new silky, flaming hair, and my arm wrapped in glad wrap and I felt my step lighter than ever before.

Change was upon me, I could feel it, I could smell it, I bought a portuguese tart and I tasted the sweetness of it.

I knew this was only the beginning, and that if I wanted this fire of change to truly transform me, I would have to keep following the signs, my intuition (a word I didn’t know back then) and I would have to ask for help.

Over the days and months that followed, I would find my way to a healer in southern Portugal, which would lead me to a tantric retreat in France, which would lead me to a Self Development Community in Sweden, which would lead me to becoming a certified Self Love and Sexuality Coach.

My breakdown in Lisbon had become my breakthrough. Without knowing it, I had sent out a message to the Universe to help me heal myself through self love.

And the Universe had put me on the path of the Queen.

In life we suffer, it is a part of living, but for how long we suffer, and whether we can love and have compassion for ourselves within that suffering, can be entirely up to us.

I took a harrowing and brave journey guided by my will and the will of the Universe to transform myself from a place of deep pain and self abandonment, into the most Queenly expression of Self Love.

It took me years.

Because of my journey, I now hold life changing, transformational, solutions for women and female bodied beings who are equally lost, or simply ready to be more.

I know I was given them because I have the capacity to hand over the flames of transformation, and it doesn’t need to take months.

It can take two days. Embodying the Queen Within is the living transmission of what I learnt and how.

Are you ready to receive your solution?

Join us, we find our inner Queens 23rd & 24th of this month.