I’m in a fiery cocoon…
I'm burning inside a fiery cocoon.
It's been 18 days since my Instagram, Facebook and messenger accounts were deactivated without warning.
Though I have been trying my best to anchor into trust, surrender, patience and love…I would be lying if I didn't share that I've been swallowed by moments of despair, numbness, fear and devastation.
Fear that the business, the life I have been working so hard to create will crumble away without these platforms…
When I peered inside this fear I saw that the deletion of my online identity feels like death.
The death of my ego.
Apparently ego death wasn't enough for the Universe, over the weekend my partner and I also decided to part ways.
An intensely difficult decision for us both to make.
Yet one that needed to be made.
I spent my Sunday and yesterday in shock and despair, many members of my community hugged and held me, but the majority of my tears have been shed alone.
Finally clutching to my emails for any indication that Meta would finally make contact, my phone decided to die and has since refused to charge.
Leaving me with only emails and telegram to make contact with the online world.
It seems I am being shoved into a cocoon of metamorphosis, whilst also being set on fire so that I may rise from my ashes…..
I'm in a fire cocoon.
When everything is falling down around you, there are many choices you can make.
You can simply lay down in a ball of despair and disappear beneath the weight of emotions.
You can express your emotions through writing, singing, dancing, and playing music.
You can confide in friends, ask for support in the form of words, touch, food, hugs.
You can spend time in nature, in saunas, in bodies of water.
You can exercise, punch, run, wrestle.
You can numb with Netflix, alcohol, or drugs.
I'm doing a little bit of everything.
I've been down similar paths before.
Where the whole house feels like it's on fire and you're just watching it burn all around you.
As much as it doesn't really feel like it at this moment…
A deeper, wiser part of me knows that my soul asked for this.
That old parts of me needed to die.
My addiction to social media.
My reliance on platforms that do not respect me or my line of work.
My limiting belief that I can only be as good as these platforms allow me to be.
My settling for less love that my heart truly yearns for.
My turning to a device instead of turning to face my feelings.
So now, my hands are up, my white flag is waving, I am walking into the fire.
Archetypes like Malala and Joan of Arc have been tethering me to the core of my purpose.
When you have a message that you cannot help but share.
A message that some do not wish you to share…
You will be torn down from where you stand.
But from the fires of your devastation you will rise anew.
Your enemies, having wished to destroy you, only amplify your voice with their hate.
I am no Malala nor Joan of Arc.
But I do have a message, one that many in the world would have me silenced for.
We female bodies are WORTHY and DESERVING of our sexual and self loving liberation.
We CAN and WILL lead the lives of pleasure we were born too.
If you wish to help me on this journey:
As I navigate this passage of death and rebirth there are some things you can do to help me:
- Report me missing on Instagram - video below on how to do this
- Follow my new account @queenchloeadriana and share it with your community
- Buy your ticket to Pussy Palace this Thursday - just a few tickets left
- Let me know what censor free platform you would like to hear from me on? So far I am feeling called to deepen into writing blogs and making YouTube videos…what other platforms do you like?
- Suggest podcasts / platforms I can share my story about being deleted as a sexuality educator
- Keep being radically self loving and unabashedly seek pleasure
- either by learning / coaching with me, or in your own life, that is truly what makes this life beautiful for me.
XOXO Chloe Adriana