I met him on tinder, he was my type back then, a backpacker, unclean, a sexy accent, and he lived around the corner.

There was no courtship. I was used to that.

I went straight to his house, we talked, he rolled a joint, we smoked, and then it was go time.

I was hazy, but I remember at some point he licked my ass, I guess he was ‘getting it ready’

And then, mid sex, like switching gear, he moved his ccck from my pussy to my anus

I haven’t smoked weed in years because i'm so sensitive to it

That night I was incredibly high and my whole body felt like jello, I just ‘went with it’

I’d watched porn and seen how women seemed to love annl

I remember feeling some pain, and a slightest sensation of potential pleasure, but he was just going too hard

I told him to stop, it was definitely hurting then

The next day at home, groggy, and feeling gross, I went to the toilet

I was in agony.

I remember crying out and holding onto the walls to try to slow what felt like ripping

There was some blood on my toilet paper, and I knew why this had happened.

It took me more than a month to poo normally. I never talked to the guy again.

I didn’t know back then that what had happened to me was called anal fissuers aka tear

I also didn’t know that this was, and is today an increasingly common injury experienced by young women

Why?

Because of pornography

Young men have become addicted to pornography, this has now been scientifically proven

‘Porn is both addictive and desensitising…masturbating to porn delivers both a strong short-term dopamine boost to the male brain the way cocaine of gambling does.’ Naomi Wold

The problem, like with gambling or cocaine, is that porn addiction becomes chronic

The same videos that once delivered a hit: missionary loving sggs, no longer triggers a response

Now they need something more intense: a threesome, girl on girl

After a while that doesn’t get a hit either: the progress to harder kinks like anal, choking, violence*

I didn’t want anyone touching my asshole for a long time after that experience. I didn’t know then that I had experienced a trauma.

However, I was and always have been a sggsually curious person

A year or so after the incident, I took a trip to sexy-land and bought myself some anal beads.

I was surprised by how small the first beads were in comparison to a cck, realising that the graduating sizes was meant to slowly train you to open, without tearing.

That night, after showering, relaxing, lubing the beads I tenderly began my own annl exploration. And…it was extremely pleasurable.

I have not yet re-entered the realm of internal annl pleasure with a lover, though I am willing and ready too

I now only date people whom I love and trust, and whom love and respect me

Porn is rewiring the male brain to literally need intensity in order to stimulate their arousal system

Female bodies need softness, safety and love to properly open, to not receive anal fissures should they choose to welcome and truly want that experience.

I feel deep sorrow for men, of all ages who are being robbed of the rewards of getting to experience the pleasures that unfold from a tender, sensual, consenting woman

I feel sorrow for the women who are accepting intense, boundary crossing, physically damaging sggsual experiences in order to please, be liked, or because they believe this is normal

I feel sorrow for all genders who are experience either side of this spectrum

This is why a course like Self Pleasure Arts, or any other course teaching conscious, informed sggsuality is not just a fun little investment

It is our way of fighting against the war that is pornography


To my younger self: I'm sorry you had to go through that experience
I'm sorry no one was there to tell you that wasn’t okay. That you were in pain.
I promise you things are different now, and that will never happen to your body again.

If you want to heal and educate the younger you in the realms of self pleasure, and if you want to awaken the deep pleasure that lives in your body - join us for self pleasure arts.


*These kind of kinks are not problematic for consenting adults who are both aware of themselves, their body and fully present with one another's needs, wants, desires.

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